I Remember

I remember that I met my first real best friend in sixth grade.
I remember in seventh grade that I witnessed her first kiss.
It was in the school hallway right in front of the elevator.
I remember her next boyfriend.
And the next and the next.
I remember when she told me she started drugs.
That was right before eighth grade.
I remember when she told me she was join to wait for marriage.
I remember when she showed me the scars.
I remember when she told me about her eating disorder.
I remember when she told me she got raped.
I remember when we fell apart.

I remember I met my second real best friend in eighth grade.
I remember he was already addicted to drugs.
I remember his girlfriends.
I remember that my first hug with a guy was him outside of our school.
I remember the day he told me he was leaving.
I remember the note he wrote me.
I remember his visits.
The texts that got way less frequent.
I remember the way things were.
And then I remember we changed.

I remember I met my third real best friend in ninth grade.
I remember her silence.
I remember her laughter.
I remember her scars.
I remember her art.
I remember how many times her heart got broken.
I remember how much she didn't talk about it.
I remember her smile.
I remember when she lost her virginity.
I remember when she started smoking.
I remember when she started drinking.
I remember when she told me she crashed.
I remember when she told me she was in love.

I remember in sixth grade when I was not ready for what was to come.
I remember when it was easy.
I remember when my elementary friend told me about scratching.
I remember when I tried it.
I remember when I escalated.
I remember my moms hand.
I remember the pills.
I remember the water.
I remember waking up.
I remember seeing my second real best friend.
I remember the second attempt.
I remember the tears.
I remember the heart I weighed on.
I remember telling my mom.
I remember her laugh.
I remember my fathers temper.
I remember the breaking glass.
I remember the names.
The fighting.
I remember.

I remember when I thought it was better.

And now I'm living in tomorrow.