Put Me On Pause

I have the moon by the neck.
I see the ocean of lights we call a city.
I wish I could touch the water.
I wish I could surf the tallest of waves.
I didn't feel infinite.
I felt like god pressed pause.
Just for a moment.
For a moment to happen.
I would like to say I felt relaxed.
That I had a breath of fresh air.
But there is always a number of thoughts in my head,
As there is stars in the sky.
I thought about being on a ship.
Sinking.
Having my last glimpse of life be the stars,
And the distorted light of the underwater ship.
I've felt a lot lately that I'm sinking into beauty.
And this moment captured it all.
But soon enough I fly.
I'll take my childhood as a blanket and sore.
Breathe.
See.
Believe.
And know.
...would you drown in the beauty with me as we play with the strings of our hearts...?

New York

You said sometimes you pretend you want to forget me.
You said it makes it easier.

But what impact did I have on you?
How many times did I make your heart race?
How many times did I break down a wall?
Was I different for you?

I wanted the sad.
The mad.
The happy.

Right now my heart is in sexy nights and Sunday dinners,
But today I had an epiphany.
You just might be my Tyler Joseph.
My Orion.
You.
You are so you.
And today when I smelled you on my shirt.
I realized I love you.

Fuck.

i love you

ET IN ARCADIA EGO

"Arcadia was a rural region of Ancient Greece, whose inhabitants - chiefly shepherds and farmers - were seen as living quiet, idyllic life away from the hustle and bustle of nearby Athens."

This describes what I want my life to be like. I want to be submerged in culture, but not enough to be clouded from the world. Though no matter what I learn I want to always keep my opinion in mind. Who I am.

The phrase et in Arcadia ego means "even in Arcadia, here I am."

This is my quest to find my Arcadia. To find me.

So hello world,

Here I am.

High school graduate. Confused teenager. Not going to college next year because I want to discover happiness first. Dreamer. Girlfriend. Best friend. But really right now I should just be alone. I need to be alone. 

Am I a bitch? Am I a lover? Do I take what i'm given and give back what I take from the world? Am I a leader? Am I a wanderer?

I. Do. Not. Know.

But I intend to find out in this new era.